As I sit here next to my record player listening to old, happy Christmas music, I’m feeling so much better than last week. Somewhat human again. My lack of social media presence was for a reason, a pretty big one… My 4yr old stopped sleeping. Like literally did not sleep for 40hrs straight at one point last week. She hadn’t slept good for 3wks prior, but this past week was on a whole other level! Last Wednesday was the darkest day of my life next to the day of my GiGi’s totally unexpected death. Exhaustion and sleep deprivation are terrible, and they make good people into crazy lunatics. I cried for 3 days straight. She was up walking around the house, turning all of the lights on in every single room, including her baby sister’s room 7-9 times per night! She ripped the safety locks off her doors, kicked her doors in. I was at my wits end, tried everything I knew of and more. I had people praying for us all over the world. I was desperate.
I asked my mother-in-law to take her for the night so I could regain some sanity. I prayed my heart out, prayed with friends and family. So many gave me awesome scriptures that I turned to and leaned on, but then God gave me something just for me. A nugget that I knew was straight from His mouth into my heart-
“The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.
He rescues them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
The righteous person faces many troubles,
but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.
For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous;
not one of them is broken!”
God reminded me of an infection that I believe Luciana had 2 months ago that the doctor told me she didn’t have. I made an appointment at her pediatrician’s, my appointment got cancelled. Seriously?! (Doctor had dental surgery the day before that didn’t go so well). I showed up anyway and was basically the crazy lady threatening the office that I wasn’t leaving until I got some answers. You know what? I got them. The infection they told me she didn’t have- Guess what? She had that infection and another, poor thing literally wasn’t able to sleep because she was in so much pain and discomfort with infection taking over her body.
I was left feeling like a bad mom. Like why wasn’t I more persistent 2 months ago? How could I miss this? But the truth is, I did everything I could. It’s not my fault (even though I still feel guilty) and God has taught me through this experience. It’s definitely one that I NEVER want to experience again. But it brought me to my knees in the most humbling way ever. I mean, I don’t cry, like ever. And I could NOT stop crying. I was so emotionally messed up that my mom scheduled a flight down as soon as she could because she said she’s never seen me so upset. It makes me teary just thinking about it. It was really rough.
If you were one that gave me advice, prayed for us, checked in on us, I want to let you know how much each and every one of you means to us. The prayers and support were by far more than I ever expected or imagined. It’s so incredible to know that the community around me is so positive and inspiring, you all brought me through such a dark time with your prayer and persistence with God. Thank you so very much!
When things around me are chaotic, I turn to what quiets my soul, and that’s order. I cleaned up my extremely disorganized pantry, cleaned my house, organized my closet etc. If my kid isn’t sleeping, I’m obviously not either, right? I also came up with a dairy free recipe of one of my favorite Puerto Rican holiday drinks- Coquito. Coconut and memories of the beach brought a bit of a smile through what otherwise was mostly hidden last week. I can’t wait to share with you this delicious, insanely sweet and glorious holiday drink! It’s basically a Caribbean egg nog!
- 2 Egg Yolks, beaten
- 1 (320g) Can Sweetened Condensed Coconut Milk
- 1 (360ml) Can Evaporated Coconut Milk
- 1 (400ml) Can Coconut Cream
- 1/2 Cup White Rum (to taste, I added 1/4 cup more)
- 1/2 Cup Water
- 1/4 tsp Ground Cloves
- 1/2 tsp Ground Cinnamon
- 1 tsp Pure Vanilla
- In the top of a double boiler, combine egg yolks and evaporated coconut milk. Stirring constantly, until mixture reaches a temperature of 160 degrees F (71 degrees C). The mixture should be thick enough to coat the back of a spoon.
- Transfer mixture to a blender, and add coconut cream, sweetened condensed coconut milk, rum, water, cloves, cinnamon, and vanilla. Blend for about 30 seconds. Pour into glass bottles and chill overnight or at least 4hrs.